Identity

Identity is a funny word, an odd concept, really. So often I find myself defining the parameters in how I want people to see me. But it really doesn't matter what I say about myself or how I define me, how a person perceives me is up to them.

So what is identity? Simply put, it is who we are. I have been realizing however, that who we think we are, is so often not who we really are. Our perceptions are misconceived. 

I started thinking about this right before I went to visit the Cook Islands. (And just a note here: this post is going to be really personal.

About stuff I don't necessarily feel comfortable about sharing so publicly. But this is what God has been laying in my heart.) 

Since moving back to Canada, I've put on a lot of weight. In the Cook Islands, before I moved back, I was too thin, everyone was commenting on how skinny I'd gotten. (FYI: for all European/North American readers, that is NOT a compliment). When I moved to Canada, everyone was so happy, til I started bouncing back to a healthier weight (for me). And then I started getting comments the other way, people telling me to lose weight or commenting on how I'd started to get bigger again. So when I was heading back to the Cooks, my mind was in a tailspin. Where, why, how, would people perceive me? What would they say? What would they think? The people in the Cooks were glad to see that I was starting to look healthy again. Lol...and the whiplash between cultural perceptions of beauty sent me reeling. 

Then God started tapping at my heart. Convicting me in my quiet times. Making things generally hard to ignore. Your identity, is not in others, it is in Me. 

I was reminded of it again this afternoon, after reconnecting with an old friend. "If I'm healthy," she said, "it doesn't matter what size I am, my identity should be in Christ, not in what I look like." This friend, by the way, one of the most beautiful women you will ever meet. 

But God has been teaching me about identity in Christ in an even deeper way. Because basing who I am on my looks is not the only way to misplace my identity in Christ. Many of us, also base our identity on usefulness, or what we do.  

How well I swing a hammer, how much work I can do in an hour, how well I do paperwork, also cannot become my identity, my definition, or my worth. 

If we think about leisure or sports or entertainment, many of us will define ourselves according to how well we accomplish these things. Or we define ourselves according to how well we relate to people. I'm shy. I'm awkward. I'm funny. I'm popular. These begin to define us. The things we say about ourselves become the standards by which we behave. 

But even further than that, God has been teaching me that what I think of others can become the standard they define themselves by. And it can be so much deeper than basing beauty on size. 

When I first started working at the store, about a year ago now, something happened that I fully forgot about. A man came into the store (I honestly don't know who this person is), and heard me talking at the till about one of my uncles. He was the next customer and after I said hi to him, he commented 'he's your uncle? Well that means I'm related to you.' This is a very normal part of life in La Crete, so I just said, 'oh that's cool.' He responded, 'Really? Most people wouldn't want to be related to me.' 

I don't know what happened after that, how I responded or if I responded. But around the time God started convicting me of the fact that I based my worth too much in what others thought of me, and not enough on what God thought of me, I also started noticing when this man came into the store. I think that God was heightening my awareness so that He could teach me. Every time this man came in, he would say something like, 'everyone one run, the crazy one is back.' 'Oh look, I'm probably the last person you want to see today.' It bothered me. It actually still bothers me. It makes me completely furious when I think about it. 

I don't know this man, but he's allowed what others think of him to define him. He doesn't know that God created him uniquely and with purpose. He doesn't understand that he's not a mistake. 

It makes me wonder, how do I perceive people? Am I quick to judge? Am I quick to listen to what others have to say about a person before I get to know them myself? 

More than that it makes me wonder, do I see people the way God sees them? If I believe that no one on earth was an accident, if I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for each individual, if I believe that everyone was created, hand-crafted by the Father (and I do believe that,with every fibre of my being) then am I treating others in a way that reflects what God thinks of them? 

Do I value every individuals' identity? Do I recognize that even though people are different than I am, they are worth the same in God's eyes? Do I live accordingly? 

I will probably struggle for the rest of my life in basing my identity fully in Christ. I will not always find it easy to recognize the worth God places on all the people that I meet. But I want to try. I want to love because He first loved me. I want to view everyone as created by God, and worth all to Him.

I want my life to reflect His glory. And I want others to be able to as well, because they know and recognize the truth of who they are in God's eyes.