Lessons in Stillness

I am learning, here, to be still. To lie quietly and listen to the wind in the trees. To feel the hot breath of summer burn through jeans. To hear nothing but my own heart beating.

The last few years have been busy. I have made sure that my Christianity was intact, confessed my sin, worshiped before God, prayed, ministered, served. But I have somehow forgotten that the best of this flows out of soul, whole, complete in God.

Be still and know that I am God.

Somehow, my soul is slightly crippled, a little brittle, hard instead of soft. I have forgotten the joy of people, the peace of silence, how to truly love so that love is something that flows out of me into the world around me.

I have done all the right things, with a heart that desired right, but was lost in doing.

Be still and know that I am God.

There are many reasons, I can see, that I am back in La Crete, but this is the one that keeps coming to mind every day. Be still and know that I am God. How do I do that? What is stillness? How do I choose to live in a place where what I do flows from a place of rest, of knowing who God is? How do I constantly live from a place of surrender?

My perfect day daydream is to wake up with early morning streaming through the window, throwing on jeans and a tank top, and padding barefoot upstairs. (Yes, I am a nerd, and when I daydream, I pad barefoot up the stairs.) I make myself a steaming cup of coffee, take my Bible, my journal, whatever books I'm reading, my gel pens and possibly my laptop, to a little table or big soft comfy chair, and listen, write, read, learn. Later on I make myself a bagel with peanut butter, and then I write and read and listen some more. Friends come over, I chat, build relationships, enjoy life. I take photos, draw, bake things. I live, but not only to live, to experience, and then share the joy of experience with others. That's my perfect day daydream. People are influenced, lives are changed through relationship, and my heart is still.

So if that's my perfect day daydream, it's probably a very simple one. But do I accomplish that?

Be still and know that I am God.

As a child, my days stretched long, there was so much room to imagine, create, learn and grow. I never found myself wishing for more time, in fact, I don't think that I ever even thought of time, except for Christmas or my birthday where the thought of 3 more days seemed forever. Now 3 more days would just not be enough time. So what changed? Is this simply a rite of adulthood? Time passing too quickly, never having the time to enjoy stillness, simplicity, people?

Be still.

Know.

I am God.

I think often, I try to play God. I do too many things. Control too much. Worry about small things. Forever run lists in my head. Start project after project. Do my best to be accomplished. Rush to church, rush to Bible study, rush to ministry. I do lots of things. I take a lot on myself. I forget to surrender.

If God is truly God, my work will be worship, it will be enjoyable, I will have peace. The people that come alongside, quirky or difficult, will be joys, treasures. I will not strive to have more time because each moment, long or short, will be perfectly allotted. I will live in surrender, freely, constantly before a throne of grace. His presence indelibly imprinted on my heart.

My days will flow from a softness of spirit, a soul found in the presence of God. Days will be treasures. Busyness will be welcome. I have rested in the presence of God. I have found stillness. I have let God be God.

#stillness #rest #worship