A 6 Month Challenge

This post has been a long time coming. I actually started writing it at the beginning of the month. But it's been sitting on the back burner while I've been working out different things that God has for me. And also, there has been much procrastination. But I read this article today, (8 Things You Should Know About Yourself) shared on Facebook by YWAM, and it re-inspired me to sit down and actually write this post.

The past year, as those of you who know me well know, has been a difficult year. But it has been a good year. There has been so much growth in my life. 

Recently I've been challenged. I had a birthday in June, and turned 25. If I wasn't before, I am now, more than ever, an adult. I've spent a good deal of time thinking about who I am as a person, and where I want to go with my life. 

I want my life to count. I want there to be meaning and purpose to all that I do. I want to leave a legacy that is positive. But I've also realized that the past year, has clipped my wings. I've lost bits and pieces of myself, what I enjoy, how I respond to situations, what my dreams are. 

So I've made a challenge for myself. A 6 Month Challenge...to help me get back a bit of who I am, to understand what it is that makes me tick, to know what I'm striving for, where I'm heading. 

My challenge for July was to be at rest. To take the time to rest in who God is, to get enough physical rest (I tend to overwork myself), and to enjoy things. 

So far, I'm growing in it. I've definitely slowed down my life, but I have more to learn, and more to put into practice. The month's not over yet, and I'll be reporting on how the month has gone next week. I'll be keeping you posted. 

A Look Ahead:

August: To Be Joyful

September: To Be Accomplished

October: To Be A Worshiper

November: To Be Educated

December: To Be Generous

We'll see how the challenge goes. I'm not always the most dedicated, but I'm really going to try!

This post has been inspired by an inordinate number of people, books, podcasts and life experiences. A shout-out goes to some amazing women of God (Kate Moala, Esther Wong, Karen Neustaeter & Annie Goertzen, as well as all my aunties, sisters & mother), to the books 'Becoming Myself' (Stasi Eldredge), Leading on Empty (Wayne Cordeiro) and A Year of Biblical Womanhood (Rachel Held Evans), as well as to a podcast, Living a 100 Year Legacy (Jesus Culture #jclp), for the main sources of inspiration. 

Something to Read

So it's been awhile since I've written anything. Not that the intention hasn't been to write, just busyness and people have taken up a lot of time :)

I don't really have anything to write at the moment, but I do want to feature this article. A lot of what is in this article is what I've been thinking about lately, as I pray about where & what God has next for me.

I hope that you enjoy it. I hope that God speaks to you through it, as He did to me.

Blessings on your Sunday...or whatever day of the week you're on.

Here's the link...

http://www.alifeoverseas.com/is-jesus-a-liar/

In Response to "Grief"

I've subscribed to an online community of bloggers made up of women on the mission field and ministry. A few days ago, a blog on grief was featured.

http://velvetashes.com/the-grove-grief/

I almost didn't read it. The title itself salt to my gaping wound. But I felt a small still voice whisper, "read it."

So I did.

Grief.

A younger version of me, bonded quickly, deeply, sure that souls bound together once would stay bound forever.

The older version of me is wary, aware of hurt, aware of promises to stay in touch and the absolute reality of time, distance, and life moving on.

Friendship hurts. People hurt. Missions hurts.

Moving off the mission field for a time of redirection, transition, rest, makes me aware of relationship in keener, sharper ways.

People move on.

For me, coming home has been a time of sorrow in the midst of joy. Seeing people long-lost, once homesick for, and then reeling from the disconnect. At the same time, trying to stay connected with new friends and family in the countries and places you've left behind, finding that you get lost in the gaps made by time difference and the pressures of what is absolutely necessary in their lives.

I have cried myself to sleep countless times, the black of loneliness descending in those most hollow, empty moments, before I drift off to sleep. Sometimes clinging to the reality that God is holding me as I fall asleep in His arms. Other times, in darker moments, feeling an utter disconnect from my heavenly Father.

Grief is definitely, undeniably hard.

It is also necessary. To quote, "Grief is a herald, proclaiming someone or something mattered to you."

Before I left the field, someone said to me, "It will be hard, but grieve well."

It is easier to want to build a bridge, to walk over the chasm of emotion roiling deep inside.

Easier, but not better.

I don't really know how to grieve. I just know that I do. Sometimes, it is good to let the tears, even the anger, rush forth. Other times, when despondency crashes in, it is necessary to lift my head, and praise, walk forward into what God has for me.

I don't like to grieve. But it's important. It means that I have loved. And, oh so unfortunately, that something I love has been taken from me. I have experienced loss. People, places, cultures, situations, that have helped form me, birth me into who I am today, they matter. Even though they are not physically part of my life anymore, I will carry them forever woven into my soul.

So grief. Good. Bad. Neutral. I'm honestly not sure. But there is still hope.

I was reading another post today (http://www.jessxshin.blogspot.ca/), of someones reflection over the last year of transition. There were dark moments, dark days, but at the end, there was hope.

As there should be. We serve a God who is the giver of life, the bringer of hope, the healer. And this is the God I serve. I choose to walk in His ways. In time, I will see, know, hope, healing, even in the midst of grief.